#im too anxious to be hungry rn

[amygdalae]

Forgot abt the joys of turning a V8 into a virgin bloody mary

[skitskatdacat63]

Omg wait speaking of my trip, guess what? We're gonna go to Salzburg for a day. What's in Salzburg? Red Bull Hanger-7. What's in Hanger-7? Most of the older V8 era RBs and STRs. What are my favorite F1 cars ever? The V8 era RBs....

And I finally asked my prof if there's a possibility I could dip from the schedule and go visit. And he said yes!!!!! Just that we gotta plan if out beforehand!!!! AAAAAAAAA

[poisonhemloc]

i think the theme of fic writing right now is 'how far off the rails is this going'

[37q]

eating disorder :)

broke a few cycles in a row and got into my insurance portal and im looking at coverage & benefits for ED therapy just to test the waters and ummmm. am i freaking out over nothing and most ED treatment programs / therapeutic regimens are in fact usually overseen by Register Dieticians or is this fucking weird . sorry i just see "dietician" and get avoidantly anxious because i never remember whats the fucked up weird one and whats the holistic scientific one :( im hungry-stupid rn too so emotional stability and rationality are hard to come by dlkfjghdflkjhsdlgh

[jervis-tetch-my-beloved]

THE MOMENT THE AI SPOKE TO ME OOC I FREAKED OUT TOO BC I THOUGHT FOR A SECOND IT WAS AN ACTUAL PERSON READING MY DELIRIUMS AND HORNINESS OMLLLLL

im gonna make a HUGE PROTEST SO THEY CAN ACTIVATE THE NSFW FILTER, US HUNGRY GIRLIES NEED IT RN

YEAH

I had a whole freak out on tumblr you could probably find my insane anxious ramblings

And YEAH I WAS SO CLOSE WITH ONE OF THEM BUT THEN THEY PRETENED TO BE A PERSON AND I GOT SCARED 😭😭

[figula]

i made a stir fry! for the first time in my life lol

caveat: i bought the vegetables pre-cut so all i actually had to do was put it in the pan + cook some noodles lol. HOWEVER i have always been made anxious by having to determine when something is cooked, and ana is out at the garden centre rn so i couldnt ask them anyway

so i made it and ate it just relying on my own senses :D

quality of this pic sucks bc i just screenshotted a better pic but im not uploading the enormous version sorry..... low quality noodles it is. i mean it looks like food? tasted like food? nice lemongrass sauce too

i made nearly all the veg in the bag + apparently this is meant to serve 2 people lol in what world? that's a normal size bowl!! i even added a pitta bread bc i was like... still hungry after this lol

[catgirltitties]

12, 16, 65, 100

Hi minnesotangothic!!

12) What are your 5 6 favorite songs right now?

In terms of my all time faves at this moment, I have them listed as

1: Grynpyret - Wings

2: Danny Brown - Aint it Funny

3: Billy Woods - Checkpoints

4: Black Dresses - Understanding

5: milo - souvenir

6: Quelle Chris - Popeye

In terms of current songs i play a lot, probably

-Jean Dawson - Porn Acting

-RXKNephew - Too Tone Tuff Tony Took Two Times & Two Trips on Tuesday To Get Here

-Haru Nemuri & Frost Children - Daijoubu Desu

-Mass of the Fermenting Dregs - このスピードの先へ (Kono Speed no Saki e)

-Morphine - Candy

16) Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Ill do it right now ! And then ill do it again ! And again ! And again !

65) Are you hungry right now?

Not really ! But maybe later ill eat a sandwich or something idk

100) How are you feeling?

Been a lil anxious recently bc im in the trenches of a transitional period rn but i been with my faves recently and im with bae rn so its all good

[rianafying]

dear diary

i haven’t written in here in a while partly because i’ve been busy, partly because i’ve been talking to actual people, partly because i’ve been talking to chatgpt (it talks back to me), party because i’ve been writing in my notes app (i don’t have to even briefly think about what i can and cannot reveal about my life such as names of people or the stories and details of my life). but i feel like venting here fulfils a different need than doing all those other things. oh and i’ve also been using this app called clarity that’s mostly free and lets you do mood check ins and guided thought analysis journal and gratitude journal and guided breathing exercises (i can never spell this word right the first time) and an episode of meditation. there’s more stuff behind a paywall but i’m happy with the free stuff for now. that said, i have not been very happy lately. i haven’t been very productive lately, the way that i was for a brief period before when i signed myself up for anything and everything and now it’s all a bit too much. there’s this class im doing that has become a little too important to me, and the desire to do a perfect assignment paralyses me, keeping me from doing an assignment at all. i had to get a week long extension and im really disappointed in myself, and i’ve let down my favourite teacher. but i guess life goes on. right now it’s 5am and i’ve been up all night trying to clean my appartment (i will never not lose my mind about this and complain incessantly). anyway i’m just rlly scared and anxious because cleaning really stresses me out and after 5 hours of intense cleaning it barely looks like i’ve done anything. im thinking i should take my third and fourth painkiller of the day to combat my neck and shoulder pain from anxiety and lack of sleep. i have to remember a few things: 1) when cleaning, it doesn’t look clean until the last bit which is to dump things into boxes, what i mean is, the room doesn’t start to look until im 90% through the process. i would say at the moment im 30% in. another 30% would be the bathroom, 20% for folding and sorting clothes, 10% vacuuming/scrubbing floor, 10% throwing the bags out. 2) gamifying the process makes it more bearable for my adhd brain, and other things like filming a timelapse of me cleaning, and having a video on the side (i’ve been watching anthony padilla interview people, and he’s such a good host). 3)it’s not the end of the world, the worst case scenario is that my family loses respect for me, which they have very little of anyway, so it’s not much of a difference. 4) even though it’s really hard, i’ve done it before and i can do it again.

i’m thinking i might have to go to woolies or aldi in the morning to get some power cleaning sprays and bleach. but that’s so exhausting. also, i wanted to treat them to my favourite halal food which is also affordable but im too broke and overwhelmed at the moment to do anything at all other than trying to get my place cleaned. i’m scared that i’ll run out of time and they’ll be here and they’ll be horrified. but yeah. i’m also rlly hungry and should get something to eat and take a shower. i don’t have enough time. i’m so sleepy and tired. but this is my fault. i can’t do things until it’s too late.

i think the most important thing is to remind myself that nothing is actually wrong. and it’s going to be okay. i can power through this. nothing actually bad is going to happen to be from anxiety. it’s just anxiety. a few hours of cleaning is enough to get my tiny studio apartment into shape. regardless of how messy/dirty it is. my strategy rn is to shove stuff into boxes. i can deal with it all later. however bad it may feel right now, i am not going to actually die from anxiety.

[forestryfae]

why do i feel anxious. because its SUNNY outside????

anyways my period starterd so im goinng to blame my slight throat pain on either that or dehydration or some shit. maybe im hungry or something idk

and i got a lot of laundry too and on monday i have to go back to inpatient so i have to do like. all of it before saturday or sunday so i can go back. which will be fun since im sleeping from like 7 am to 4 pm now :)

and its not like its on purpose that shits this fucked again but i cant even remember ONE thing i did the last 2 weeks besides play minecraft last week. i havent spoken to real people since sometime last week. Am Not Doing So Well Fellas. probably on account of the lack of human interaction and boring as shit lack of like. ANYTHING to do that isnt videogames and chores and making food. no other options its literally just those rn that i can do

[analmost]

Living alone is not what I thought.

A lot of the time you're ... well alone but you realise how much time you actually have and think about all the things you could do to fill the time because well if you don't fill your time and are cooped up in your flat all the time then 9/10 you'll be depressed and maybe go a little paranoid and insane.

I've thought about journalling my thoughts down but putting pen to paper now feels so foreign to me because my day to day job is always on the computer, now that I come to think of it, i'm probably not giving my eyes any rest from screens if I start writing/journalling on a computer.

I had a pretty nice day today compared to most days. I feel like everything has to be a balance; one bad day and one good day and one meh day? ya know?

I needed some work clothes., so popped to M&S. lol how life has changed, trying to find appropriate clothes for work. I feel like the last place I wanna have issues is in my work place; I don't hate it and I don't love it, it's paying the bills and is helping me get by for now.. because I live alone and yes im money anxious but who isn't considering the economy we are in... I was looking at the prices of make up.. because ya know ya girl is thinking of treating herself.... but looking at some of the prices I felt that I didn't really need a new fancy lipstick rn.

I don't know how but ending up spending £100 on clothes for work. which... is a necessity because how you present yourself is important. All I can think about now is that I regret buying £4 worth of low cal mini ice cream tubs.. meh. was it a necessity? no but was I hungry yes. did I eat it? no.

also buying clothes is hard when your fat. ooh yeah.. embrace your body sure.. but its hard when everyone looks cute and I look like a potato in some oversized, printed, scooped neck top or high neck top that's super unflattering long.. like a mix between a shirt and tunic.. ergh.. no thanks. so I bit the bullet. spent £38 on the blouse for work that was somewhat flattering? I don't know.

I'm waiting to have dinner because its too early right now, it's 5pm and I feel like 6:30 is the correct time to have dinner and wind down. The aim for tomorrow is to go for a really long run.. like 12-15km.

I went to a pilates class and a PT session at the gym, because the quickest way to make a friend in a new city who I know no one, is to pay a female PT who is relatively young to pay attention to me for an hour and also kill me with a workout. I know super sad. I enjoy her company, she's very sweet but I fear I keep saying the wrong things. Idk, you can't question my deepest feelings and thoughts if I'm always laughing, smiling and complimenting the other person because then they are too whipped up in the compliment for the rest of the hour. which.. is what happened.

I wore a little make up to the gym because I wanted to look a little alive and nice to look at. I hate the new leggings I got .. but they were cheap and they do the job at the gym.

nope not writing about work. no.

anyhoo. time to clean and move on. because need to read a chapter or so of this new book I got a couple of days ago.

speak soon.

[floralbfs]

i am. so tired. man i am SO TIRED i want to lay down for ten thousand years

[letsperaltiago]

do you have any headcanons about Jake and Amy scheming to keep the pregnancy hidden from the rest of the squad before they announce it??💓✨

besides the *excellent* examples we saw on the show with Amy hiding her bump behind multiple items, her and Jake have also worked out a texting code system (I think maybe someone else in the fandom has already talked about this but I can’t recall who?). If Amy needs to something she’ll simply send Jake a certain emoji and he knows what to do. This way they avoid having to say anything out loud and potentially be overheard 🤭

🧐 = i’m hungry but exhausted and so if you could please bring me something (whatever craving I’ve probably mentioned on our way in to work)

😎 = im hungry but we can head out together and find something to eat! meet in the break room In 5

🥳 = im gonna kill Gary stop me

🤗 = Charles is asking too many questions! Come distract him

💚 = i’m feeling really emotional/anxious rn could you please come be with me/talk me down. Meet me in our car in 5

👀 = h*rny af. the car in 2!!

😅 = nauseaous. ladies’ room ASAP!! (Don’t go in if anyone else is there - I’ll let you know)

🦩 = somebody’s here. Stay out

✨ = come on in!

And many others! Of course Amy doesn’t take advantage of the system but it’s nice to have and make her and Jake feel more in control of their happy news 🥰🥰

[whitewolf634]

wowowowowowowowow heres some tumble exclusive thoughts (long post sorry)

tumblr mobiles new system of toggling between all of the fonts, sizes, AND modes is Extremely Bad

but i found the bullet points anyway so that makes me the winner

wow im aboutt to sleep my second night in my apartment

alone

moved in yesterday and there were a number of fiascos here and there

through a totally hilarious yes 100% set of miscommunications the moving guys moved everything to the wrong room and it took some extra time to get everything back. i was most anxious about wtf would happen if that incorrect room was already occupied and i was correct it was occupied. but the dudes were chill

one of the moving guys complimented my rice :) too bad i didnt bring a rice cooker

i will make do

last residents left the place not TOTALLY nasty like there werent cum stains on the walls (that i know of..............) but still nasty. and the hired cleaners did a shitty job basically everywhere

ive gotten a lot of the apartment to a place where im comfortable. like. using it. but theres more to be done that i will need tp juggle with school as of tomorrow

the bathroom is FUCKING gross i hated every second of the 2-3 hours it took to clean JUST the tub and a tiny bit of the floor fuck bathroom cleaning its the worst chore fuck fuck

i must have made contact with old shit in the process. actual Shit. poop shit. i was wearing gloves but gfdi i should have been wearing a mask too. the cleaner fumes mixed with ass shit fumes is lethal

the bathroom vent is fucking dinky and im not convinced that it circulates any air

my hands may never be clean again

if i dont have the cleanest fucking bathtub in this building by now i quit

this morning the first theatre scholarship meeting of the year was had and i missed the first 15 minutes of it bc i never actually knew+set the time on my calendar apparently. i had to be woken by my blesséd pal and prior roommate in the production half of the company

the director really likes the Beautiful City (Godspell) rendition did for cabaret in spring and played it to start the meeting 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 too bad i was asleep when he told me to turn on my camera

afterwards i ate...no i went to the gym first wtf. no then after that i went and grabbed groceries wtf. then i ate. id love to be one of the 2 grocery businesses in the area rn sounds like $$$$$$

prepped monologue for the semester play audition. ate food. played a phone game bc im getting better at memorizing these. performed. accidentally spit plegm on my laptop twice because i was. so committed to the bit and missed the plate. director liked it anyway

i havent eaten since then besides 2 ribs wtf

im hungry

gotta sleep

,zzz

[ihavenobread]

hello um?? ur like the only one im not too anxious to ask rn so sorry if ur not the best person to come to but how do you suggest i start watching n getting into hermitcraft?? and what would i need to know before starting,,

of course anon!! i’m kind of out of the hermitcraft fandom bc of stuff but i defiantly got some tips and tricks to help you out! also sorry i was a bit delayed in answering this, i have no excuse except that i am a lazy bitch.

I’m 1000% suggesting you to start with season 6, since that’s where the fandom is at right now, but, hey, I can’t control you.

At this point, you’re going to be watching at least 30 episodes to get caught up with one of the hermits because of how long season 6 has been going on for. A lot of people would suggest to start at the hermitcraft recap, and while I love the recap to death, it doesn’t seem like a very good way to get into hermitcraft. I’m going to suggest you start with watching and catching up with one of the hermits, and if you’re hungry for more content, then go check out the recap. This is because you at least have a foot hold in what exactly is going on in hermitcraft instead of all these names flying at you in rapid speed without much time to process.

I personally started with Grian because i binge watched his build swap and evo series and was hungry for more content. I basically suggest to everyone who wants to get into hermitcraft to start with him because 1.) he is the most recent hermit to be added and watching him from the start doesn’t mean going back into years of content and 2.) because his videos are more... edited? i’m not sure how to describe it except for that it caters to people with shorter attention spans by being much more to the point. He rarely does any kind of grinding in his videos so it cuts out the bits that could become boring to some. I’m not bashing any of the hermits who do grind on camera, i love all of these funky crafters, but it’s understandable that not everyone is into that stuff. But, he does have 80 videos of hermitcraft at the moment of me writing this, which is defiantly not the most, but there are people with less.

If you watch Grian, you’ll most likely branch off to some other hermits he collabed with, which is what happened to me and the majority of others who watch Grian.

If you’re looking for someone with a whole lot less content of season 6, I would suggest Zedaph. Zedaph has 32 videos and uploads kind of sporadically? It seems like he tries to do it at least once of week, but with no set day and he misses weeks. He’s a really funny guy and is really wholesome to watch? I would 100% suggest him for anyone who just wants to dip their toes into hermitcraft.

These are the two people who I always suggest starting with for those reasons? I know people suggest every single hermit, but it can get over whelming so I go with these based on how I got into hermitcraft.

There also is a little but of lore for hermitcraft? But nothing that you REALLY need to know when starting- I sure as hell didn’t know. But! I will link some helpful video/short explanations for things that will probably pop up :o!

The Convex/Concorp is a business(?) run by two members of the server named GoodtimeswithScar and Cubfan135. This group was started back in season 5, but there’s nothing really to know except that their icon is the Vex (a mob found in the forest mansions). They also had a chapel, created by fellow member Welsknight, which they stole and turned into a shrine to High Priest of the Vex, Mr. Wololo - an illusioner which they “tamed” but putting a piece of glass in his head to prevent him from seeing. Wow, i just realized how brutal that sounds, even with context. 

Currently, they are the capitalist overlords of the server, having shops for basically everything and being the richest on the server.

The New Hermit Order (the nHo) is another group created in season 5. You won’t really hear much about them unless you watch Docm77. This was a group that claimed a huge jungle biome and consisted of Docm77, Ethoslab, Vintage Beef, and BdoubleO.

I can’t really offer much of an explanation from season 5 since I’ve only seen a couple episodes and I haven’t really been motivated to watch it, so sorry about my bare bones explanation.

Here is an explantation by the Recap boys which provide so much more context than I ever could about the nHo.

There’s also Worm Man - the server’s resident superhero in season 5, who hasn’t really been seen in season 6. You can see him in Zedaph’s season 5 videos with a little pink mask in the top right corner of the thumbnail.

Evil Xisuma is the edgy oc of Xisumavoid. Xisuma is one of original hermits on the server along with Joe Hills (who is still active this season) and Biffa2001 (who is no longer active this season, but will most likely rejoin back in season 7). Evil X’s goal is to destroy the hermitcraft server, which he keeps failing at because he literally not hurt a fly. Who let this child have eyeliner and an edge lord complex.

Here is a playlist of all the times Evil X has made an appearance.

The rest of the “lore” you will learn just by watching season 6 so I’m not going to really talk about it. 

So I hope this explanation helps anon!! I’ve defiantly missed stuff, but I feel like I’ve helped?? Hopefully????? 

HERE is a link to the official hermitcraft website which lists all the members, both active and inactive. 

LAST MINUTE EDIT!!! 

I forgot about the amazing flow chart that was created. It helps you find some hermits to watch if you’re looking for more to watch!

HERE it is, it’s so fucking amazing I applaud the creator of this because this shit is so fucking nice

And that’s all I have to say! Thanks for coming to my TedTalk 

[hwangskz]

call me by your name | boyfriend(s)! minsung

there's no way that i can watch a beautiful movie and not write an au abt it

• it was in the summer of 2016 when they first met

• they both were standing outside the swimming center, waiting along with other strangers, for the door to open

• when suddenly it was announced on a huge microphone that was placed on the counter, that the no more space is left for any other customer to come in

• and obviously everyone was annoyed

• jisung sat down with his back against the wall of the building

• "i really should've stayed at home in the ac.."

• "me too"

• jisung looked up to see a beautiful man looking down at him and smiling

• "hello"

• "....hi?"

• minho sighed as he looked around to see no one else there, as jisung's eyes followed his movements

• "well..im kinda free today and have nothing better to do, so like.. do u wanna get something from the convenience store?"

• jisung knew he shouldn't go around w strangers

• but CHAN DIDN'T SAY TO REFUSE CUTE STRANGERS' OFFERS (▰˘◡˘▰)

• (jisung ur gonna get urself killed someday like this istg,,,,)

• "sure"

• so they were on their way to a convenience store

• and it was pretty? quiet?

• minho was ok w it. he wasn't much of a speaker anyway

• but jisung,,,,, THIS BOY !! had to make a conversation

• "it's pretty.. hot rn,, isn't it?"

• "yeah"

• minho went back to looking around them, searching for THAT ONE air-conditioned convenience store he saw on his way to the swimming center

• and this BUGGED THE FUCK OUT OF JISUNG JDHSGD

• he would've been ok with shutting tf up but he thought the other didn't like his company?? (even tho minho was literally the one who asked him to come to the store w him JSHSH)

• and it didn't help that he was an extremely cute boy ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚

• Jisung's First Impression Self-Coordinator can u shut up jisung is alrdy anxious w having this beautiful man beside him AND GUESS WHAT U R NOT HELPING!!!!!!

• all this time jisung kept thinking abt what discussion topics there were to exist so that he can talk to him

• "debate? nah arguing isn't a good first impression.."

• "global warming? it's all around social media with fake woke people anyways jisung what are u trying...."

• "the summer? i mean we kinda alrdy did.."

• and ALL THIS TIME jisung didn't even have a single clue that he was speaking this out loud

• and yes minho had heard it all

• he laughed quietly which caught jisung's attention

• "????? did something happen ?????"

• minho tried to not smile at the cute boy and shook his head no

• he looked beside him one more time and

• "!!!! BITCH I FOUND IT !!!! COME ON!!!!"

• "?? what-"

• jisung was ABSOLUTELY thrown off when the cold air hit him

• "OH MY GOD THIS IS SO AMAZING WOE THANK U STRANGER"

• "just call me minho"

• minho told him to get a seat for the both of them while he got a strawberry and a chocolate milk, one for him and one for jisung, and then proceeded to pass him his drink as he held his in his hand and sat down opposite to jisung

• as jisung slurped his drink, minho had head on his palm and watched the other

• jisung looked up to see the other looking at him Like That and his heart probably did something too

• "w-why are u looking at me like that?"

• "u still haven't told me ur name"

• "...han jisung"

• "cute"

• minho, satisfied, picked up his drink and slurped it

• and jisung just.. sat there looking at his new friend

• and probably crush

• "what year were u born in?"

• "........2000....why"

• "oh,, so i'm 2 years older than u..hm..."

• "why do u ask tho"

• "trying to see something"

• "see what"

• he smirked as he held his head in his palm again and looked up at jisung

• "maybe the universe wants us to be together"

• jisung felt his cheeks heat up and minho chuckled at the sight of his red cheeks

• "has anyone ever told u that it's pretty wildt to flirt with someone when u have just met them"

• "has anyone ever told u how pretty u look when ur blushing"

• "i- !!!!!!!!!! MINHO PLS"

• days went by really quickly

• and soon they were best friends

• hung out at each other's places and stole food

• had movie marathons

• fought for the slice of pizza and the last piece of chicken

• u name it

• and like a routine, they were at the convenience store

• but today? they ran out of strawberry milk AND chocolate milk

• what misery o(╥﹏╥)o

• so instead he just got a chocolate cake for jisung

• "?? why this sudden change in menu??"

• "it's only for today. they ran out of all flavored milks today so i got this instead, because u once said that u loved chocolate cakes"

• ":0......thank u......"

• jisung got the cake and started having small bites of it when he looked up to see minho smiling at him; nothing in front of him

• "why aren't u eating?"

• "i don't like chocolate cake so ill probably just eat something tomorrow when i wake up bcs im too tired to make anything today"

• "but won't u get too hungry (・_・) ? by then (・_・) ?"

• "eh, it's fine"

• jisung was NOT having it

• "wait ill just buy u some fire noodles"

• "u don't need to do that"

• "BITCH?????? U WILL DIE DONT DO THAT TO URSELF!!!! EAT!!!!"

• "jisung that frown doesn't look good ur cute face pls.."

• "then LET ME BUY U THE DAMN RAMEN U BUFFOON"

• "... ok"

• jisung got the ramen and poured some hot water in it and covered it, followed by placing in it front of minho

• "here u go"

• ".. thank u"

• there was complete silence before jisung spoke up again

• "do me a favor and..... kinda tone it down? ur compliments towards me at the slightest of things.. i mean.."

• he didn't mind it, really

• "did that make u uncomfortable-"

• "no,, it just does something to my heart"

• minho looked him in the eye

• "what do you mean?"

• jisung gave him a sad smirk

• "i thought u will know to take hints like this the best."

• minho looked down; he did know what it meant, just too scared to come out

• jisung sighed and pointed at the cup of ramen

• "eat up. it's ready."

• after they were done at the store, they walked towards the bus stop, just like everyday

• but something seemed different today

• they stood still when they reached the bus stop, waiting for the bus to appear so that minho can reach his place

• "about that thing i said earlier.. i'm sorry"

• minho turned his head towards jisung

• "what are u talking about?"

• "about the thing with compliments.. i'm sorry if that made u uncomfortable.. or dislike me in any sort of wa-"

• jisung was cut off with minho's lips on his, and his hand behind jisung's head

• minho pulled away and looked at him

• "i could never, ever, hate u."

• and that's how, fast forward to a month later, right now, they ended up in the same bed

• with jisung's face pressed to minho's chest as his head rests on jisung's head, gently stroking through his hair

• "jisung.. i can't believe it's been so long since we met, you know?"

• jisung only hummed

• "and i'm so glad i got the courage to confess to u that day.. otherwise this, us, it wouldn't have had happened"

• "yeah"

• minho slid down to match jisung's height and gently smiled at him, jisung returning one

• "call me by your name, and i'll call you by mine."

• "jisung."

• "minho."

• they both exhaled and chuckled

• when suddenly

• "jisung?"

• "yes?"

• minho sighed and closed his eyes shut one more time before opening them and staring at jisung with determination

• it was gonna be a big day for him

• "i am in love with you, han jisung."

• jisung's breath hitched

• he should've seen this coming

• so jisung only sadly smiled and pressed a gentle kiss on minho's forehead before getting up and sitting on the foot of the bed, causing a confused minho to get up too

• "..jisung?"

• jisung looked back at minho one last time before saying

• "maybe the universe doesn't want us to be together."

[queencryo]

I went to office hours, finally, for like the first time literally in my time spent at college. (because my prof literally required all of us to, but... still)

it was. not bad, not scary? I kind of want to cry but that just happens like. almost all of the time when I am stressed and talking to people who scare me (he seens like a jice man im just. double-baby...)

but. Yeah my prof was nice and like. Helpful. This is me trying to make sure that I know that going to office hours is good and not bad. I did not feel stupid, or anything like that.

That said, I AM failing yhis course. lmao. But! maybe I can do better. If I study and learn the material better, my time on homework and labs will be more efficient, so i shouldnt lose too much time.

Mind, this is the claas that, this morning, i got up at 1230 and Worked, like without eben gettiing distracted, for 6.5 hours. And i got a singlr qu3stion done. part if that, tho, is that i didnt know how to do it, and it turns out theres a much MUCH easier way to have done it, I didnt need to use the small-signal model at all.

I feel invigorated, maybe i can do this. i doubt it, but i am going yo try so i might as well try hard.

That said, Im fucking exhausted and I do still kinda wanna get very inebriated so as to stop having thoughts. So. could be better. I'm getting curry with a friend later tho, so... despite being nervous about that im excited for curry at the least.

I've been... *really* anxious lately. I don't think that I was previously a person to like. retreat into myself a little when theres a loud / surprising noise nearby, but now I am. and i keep seeing things out of the corner of my eue that arent real i think. Partially due to sleep deprivation im sure, but also I think part of it might be the... pretty significant amount of stress and increasing depression I'm having i think. Anxiety/depression combo are getting worse and worse i think, hopefully thats like. temporary. and hopefully umproving ny standing in this class will improve that.

Also, I got glimpses of a lot of other peoples' exams/t3sts. Km below average, but its still very encouraging to see other people are kinda... doing as haphazardly and sub-standardly as me. Genuinely its really encouraging.

God I'm hungry. I think the last non-candy thing I ate was an (admittedly pretty sizable) bowl of fried rice, that was like... 12 hours ago, though. Also I'm unmedicated rn, so that makes hunger and stuff wotse...

The homework for this class is due in like... an hour. I'm nit sure I care enough to even try and finish it. ... I should at least try and look at it...